SCOTLAND!

Okay, so I went and ventured off to Scotland; land of kilts and bagpipes, William Wallace and thick brogues. After and awfully cold and sleepless bus ride, I arrived in Edinburgh, and met up with my fellow travelers, as we had all been on different buses. We had booked on a whim and decided to go in less than an hour (at least in my case) and it turned out to be one of the most beneficial impulse-decisions I've probably ever made.


After a ridiculously long walk down to the shore, we rented a car from Enterprise. That was really funny because Taylor, our only "legal" driver in the car, had to nervously get us out of the parking lot. Unfamiliar with the right-hand-drive and the whole concept of driving on the left side of the road, we were in for quite an experience. We decided to drive up to Loch Ness to catch the fabled fauna of the Loch and to sell tickets to its viewing, thus becoming millionaires. The drive was an experience, with distilleries, pubs, and castles along the way, allowing us (while we were awake) to fully take in the beauty of Scotland.


Along the way, we constantly kept saying to each other things like, "This place is fucking awesome," and "You are an attractive man with good morals" keeping our spirits high and our imaginations constantly rolling. Juliette proved to be the most able driver of the lot, clocking in a good six or seven hours as our chauffeur. Along our journey to Loch Ness, we stopped at two distilleries, with the hopes of getting royally smashed off some good Scotish whisky. First, was Dewar's. Dewar's has a rich history that it boasts stylishly in its distillery, and gives you the opportunity to both smell the process (because we came during their "silent" brewing period in which no one can go into the factory to watch the process first hand) and then they gave us a menial amount of whisky. Definitely not enough to get us drunk (perhaps on purpose) and definitely not watered down. The main difference was the opportunity to really taste the whisky, which, if you try really hard, doesn't taste like an ass. It still burns like syphilis though.


Next was Edradour (which, if said properly, sounds like a Lord of the Rings location, and is definitely not the sort of place you can just walk into), to see the Edradour Whisky Distillery, an impressive distillery that takes pride in its three (yes, 3) workers, making it Scotland's smallest distillery, and having never sold-out (it's a high-class, rare whisky). The tour was simple and historic, and the whisky was definitely harsher and packed with more flavor than Dewar's. Our tour guide, who asked to not be photographed, was a feisty elderly woman a bit like the grandma in Beerfest who definitely thought that we were all horribly stupid people who didn't appreciate whisky. She could easily outdrink me. I'm also fairly certain she, in her 70 some-odd years, could beat me in an armwrestling contest, a race or a game of chess and take a harder punch to the stomach than me. She was perhaps the scariest nice old woman I have ever encountered.


Following the distilerry, we set off like bats out of hell to the land of the Loch Ness Monster. We stopped in Inverness, a small city not too far from Loch Ness and considered staying the evening. The city seemed a bit not up our alley, so we decided to trudge on, finally reaching Loch Ness by evening and settling in at a little hostel. The person working there was American, from California, who hooked us up with some good knowledge saying that Loch Ness was just another Loch and directing us to adequate pubs in the Loch (where we played pool with Armymen and found the people to be only slightly friendly, but in their defense we did kind of crash their locals-only party). I was too drunk that night to get any pictures (read: I didn't bring my camera) but Andrew Burton, a fabulous photographer, braved it and got some interesting shots. I got proper pissed and we stumbled our way back into the hostel, rising to a beautful, awe-inspiring morning, which gave itself to a nice day as we drove around the Loch. We caught the Loch Ness Monster, but my camera jammed. I swear.


We decided to go to Kilchurn, which we went to because it was supposed to be William Wallace's castle ruins, but it wasn't. We drove past it about six times (rather, I drove past it about six times as I was driving) and found our way first up to a spot known as Monument Hill, a burial ground of a poet and a simply amazing vista. AJ and Andrew climbed it, and we took a series of horribly awkward jumping portraits. This is a shot I took of the wheat (?) that was growing wild.
Also, below it is a sequence of AJ jumping from the monument to the ground.



At Kilchurn, the clouds trapped in the subtle greenery and made a really unique and peaceful area for us to lose ourselves in. Set along a lake and through a field, it was truly gorgeous. There were sheep running through it wildly, and walking down the field to get to the castle, you were avoiding droppings. We tried to corral a bunch of them, and I loudly remarked, "These motherfuckers love to get herded." They find power in numbers and stick together, which despite their intentions, allow them to be easily corralled. We all ventured up to the unsupervised castle, apparently owned by a local farmer or landowner, and found it to be not only pristine in current nature, but apt to intimate exploration. With no one to say "HEY! You can't do that!" Some of us jumped the walls and went up onto the areas boarded off. I took a series of HDR panoramas, which I'll admit was the original idea of the aforementioned Mr. Burton, they just aren't looking good, but this is a shot from the castle:


Anyhow, we found it spectacular, all of us remarking on how amazing it was. As we were leaving, we walked along the path towards the lot in which we'd parked our car (which wasn't really a lot, but rather an enclave) and I let the rest of the group walk up ahead. I stopped, there in the middle of this field, surrounded by clouds, a lake, and barren mountains that created a dramatic landscape of emptiness, I wanted to shout to hear if my voice would echo. It did not. But standing there, making noise, I opened my arms, looked to the sky, and felt the slow drops of an afternoon drizzle fall upon my face. My friends called back to me, "What are you doing?!" they asked, to which I shouted, "TAKING IT ALL IN!"


There is something miraculous about Scotland. There was no one around. Only the whirring of cars passing on the highway were making noises (and the occasional baa of the sheep) distracted from the silence. Beneath those grey, grey clouds, in the gentle rain of a Sunday afternoon, I found myself finally at peace. I hadn't a thought in my mind, only a quiet jubilation that at last, I had escaped the world around me. I had finally been freed from the confines of the rest of the world, allowed to be distracted by nothing. With the exception of the highway and the telephone and electrical wires that now line the landscape, I had escaped modern times. I had travelled back in time. I was truly happy. Nothing could bother me, but there was a sadness in my heart, for there are so many people I would have loved to have shared that moment with.

We resumed our life in reality, and hopped back in the car. We were going back to Edinburgh, during which I fell asleep, waking in Stirling. Rejuvenated by sleep and freedom, we contemplated staying in Stirling, as well. We couldn't find a place that intrigued us, so we continued the journey to Edinburgh, where, upon arrival, we settled into our hostel, that smelt a bit like Chinese food and wet paint, and decided to go out.

As per the suggestion of both the person who worked at the Loch Ness hostel, as well as the Edinburgh hostel, we went to Opium, a bar that plays ridiculous music and has cheap drinks. The drinks were very cheap, the pool table in the worst place possible, and the clientele the most hilarious people I've ever seen. Edinburgh is a gothic city, rich in history, and the modern "goths" of today, happen to reside there and as it seems, frequent bars like Opium. In the upstairs of the bar, with no live music that evening, there were long-haired Scots headbanging to the unbearably loud music on the stage. It was so fucking funny. They were just standing there, (by they I mean like three people) playing air bass (that was slung unbelievably low, mind you) and rocking their faces into oblivion. We all remarked at how hilarious it was.

We went to another bar, down the road, and dispersed. Taylor and I were in the mood to get shithoused and so we stayed out. We went to some other drum-and-bass bar and drank tons of Jägerbombs and got drunk. We then went venturing for another bar, and came across a Scotish bar with live music and a ton of people. There, Taylor and I kept drinking even long after most others were not going to the bar any more, and mingled. I don't remember talking to anyone. I do remember being VERY drunk and a hot girl that looked like an attractive Gollum. The music was loud and fast-paced and the people were very Scottish.

The next day, I woke up feeling like shit (read: hung-over) and decided that tourist stuff was not what I wanted to do. After returning the car, Taylor and I, in our intense hangovers, spent the day talking about life and seeing the movie Rock-n-Rolla, directed by Guy Richie. It wasn't very good, but has some intricacies that make it an interesting watch and a bunch of hilarious gags. The story was very predictable if you've ever seen a Guy Richie film and all-in-all I'd give it a 6/10.

Music I Like This Week:
Envy Corps - Wires & Wool
Yo La Tengo - You Can Have It All
Japan - Ghosts
The Chairmen of the Board - Give Me Just A Little More Time
Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine
John Mayer - Vultures

If I Were You I'd Pay Attention To:
What This Is Really Costing US
China, a billion and a quarter people, all repressed in one way or another
It's about to get hot in here after a fifty year Cold.